A woman considered whether or not she should ask for her gift to be returned after her friend called off her wedding.
This week, a woman man made an anonymous post to the “Am I The ***hole” Reddit forum, saying, “About three weeks ago, my friend broke up with her fiancé a month before their wedding (would have been this weekend). She found him fooling around with another girl and called off the wedding.”
She continued to say that the scandal devastated her friend, who she said she’s known for nearly fifteen years and is like a sister to her. Before the scandal caused a huge mess, the Reddit poster recalled that because she loved her friend very much, she went out of her way to buy her a “truly special wedding gift” after learning her friend was engaged.
“She has always been into interior designing and has wanted an Eames lounge chair for a long time,” the poster explained. “I found one for $4,500, which was a good deal, so I got it for her.”
At the time, the friend cried tears of joy when she received the gift, which the Reddit poster noted was expensive. But after the wedding was called off, she wasn’t sure whether she should ask for the gift back.
“I could still use that money if I were to get it back,” she noted. “Is it rude to ask for her to return it or at least pay me back for the chair?”
She added that a few friends of hers who weren’t close with the bride told her that she should ask for it back so that she could get her money’s worth. However, she’s on the fence about asking her, explaining: “She’s going through a lot now, so I don’t want to press her too much, and honestly, if I never see the money again, that’s fine. But still, $4,500 is a good amount of change that I would be happy to have if possible, and if I am going to return it, I need to do it soon before the return window expires next month.”
Reddit users were divided on whether or not the poster was the ***hole in the situation, with one user calling the dilemma a catch-22. They wrote, “She should return it, but you would be an ***hole to ask.”
“It is absolutely standard etiquette that the gifts are returned if the wedding is canceled,” another added. “However, you might want to choose your moment with care and tact.”
While others said that she should let her friend keep the gift after everything she’d been going through. Someone noted that asking for the gift back would just be “kicking her while she’s down.”
“She’s very close to you and going through a very difficult time in her life,” one user wrote. “This would be the last thing she needs and will probably drive a wedge in your relationship. She also really loved the gift! Let her keep the chair, and if she approaches you wanting to return it, then take some time to consider it. Consider the money gone — money comes and goes. Quality friendships, on the other hand, maybe once in a lifetime.”
According to the Knot, it’s standard wedding etiquette to return all gifts given to the former fiancées. However, the cheating scandal that led to the wedding being called off means that tact is required if you plan on asking for a gift back while your friend is grieving their relationship.