A mother-of-three has been backed online for refusing to take her husband and young children on vacation with her.
The user @Suspicious_Light_190 wrote on Reddit on May 11 that she had decided not to include her family in her plans for a relaxing getaway, and 95 percent of readers backed her.
“Me and my partner are in a disagreement. He thinks I’m selfish for considering this. I don’t think I am. He suggested I post here to see what you all say,” the woman explained. “We have been together for 12 years. My partner has two responsibilities in terms of the house. He walks the dogs in the morning and he goes to work full-time. More often than not, he falls asleep at 8pm.”
“We have three children [aged 7, 4 and 2]. I am fully responsible for their care, as well as every household duty, laundry, cooking, cleaning. I am a [stay-at-home-mom], but I am also self employed, so after I look after the children all day I then work for a couple of hours on my laptop,” the poster added.
The mother wrote that she’d decided to organize the solo trip for her upcoming birthday, but that her partner shunned her idea after she’d mentioned it to him.
“I asked my partner what he would think if I booked myself a vacation, for a week, on my birthday and went on my own,” the mom explained. She then revealed that her partner responded that she was being “selfish”.
“My partner hasn’t done a load of laundry in the 10 years. He cooks dinner 2 times a month. He doesn’t hoover, mop, or mow lawns. I get it, he’s tired and he works full-time, but I work too, and I don’t feel appreciated. I just want a week where I don’t have to placate a crying child, or stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else’s good time while sacrificing my own,” the woman shared.
What Do the Comments Say?
More than 3,000 Reddit users have written under the viral Reddit post. The majority have backed the woman for prioritizing her own well-being and pursuing a solo vacation.
“Please for your own sake book that holiday and inform him you will be going. Perhaps if he had to do a fraction of everything you’d done for years he’d finally see how unfair he’s been to you,” one user wrote under the post.
“She also pays most of the bills. This man is honestly taking advantage of this woman,” another added.
“This man sound so lazy, like a fourth child. The OP [original poster] was mad to have more than one child with him. She should have a holiday, permanently with her kids,” a third user wrote.
How to Have Downtime in a Busy Family?
Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin is a psychologist, clinical hypnotherapist and the CEO of Parents Anonymous. The organization offers free mental-health programs, support and a helpline targeted at both parents and children. Pion-Berlin told Newsweek how stressed and busy parents can carve some leisure time out for themselves, away from demanding partners and young children.
“Making sure we as parents are always taking care of ourselves is vital. We are human beings with dreams and needs, in addition to our obligations as parents,” Pion-Berlin said.
“Parents often put themselves second and dedicate all their energy to their family and work. They forget about the importance of self-fulfillment. Taking time out to breathe and smell the roses is essential to our well-being. Making time to do what you like, whether it is a hobby or just taking time out for yourself, is essential for everyone,” she added.
Pion-Berlin explained that people can only become better parents, partners and employees when they spend the time needed to nurture what makes their heart sing, helps them grow and puts a smile on their face.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via firstname.lastname@example.org. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.